Care or not, public reading

Stop your assumptions. Look it up-Chevalier mal fet. Maybe you know what it means to you, but you haven't found what it means to me yet. The day you do, you will understand me. Maybe not all of me, but more than you do now. You may hate me for it (more assumptions, no doubt) but you may love me for it. Truth is, I just want to be loved that way. The same way I love others. The way I was always told was the right way. Evidently it is wrong, I would say impossible, but I feel it, so I know that isn't true. Everyone just tells me (or doesn't and ridicules me instead) how wrong I must be for being me. Well, I have news for you: being me is just fine. I may not go to heaven, I may not go to hell, but I will never abandon anyone for one or the other. I am not what you expected. I never was, and I never will be. Give me the benefit of the doubt sometime, see who I really am at face value. Just do me a favor: stop lying to me, hiding things, bullshitting, falsifying, trying to protect me, trying to 'spare my feelings' whatever. It is just pissing me off, since I know it is happening anyway, and you don't seem to care enought about me to stop and right those wrongs. Give me a little back. I am not asking anymore. I need it. Otherwise, I am an empty shell becoming shattered at having given all I could and it never being good enough.

If you think this may apply to you.....ask yourself why it would. If you come up with a couple reasons why it would, then it probably does. If you know it MUST be about you, you are probably wrong, because it is not only you.

Day and day.......

You have a part of you. You don't know it, but you do. You didn't know it when you found it. You FELT it when you turned away from it. You didn't know how confused you really were by its power. You are doing, and will do, everything you can and MORE to keep it as close to you as ever it was. Then some days.......it isn't there. Welcome to lost, and not being whole on the days without. Oh,God......... let it never be too late for somethings......the right things. It is the best part of you, that you never have.

Now

Bored. In Croatia. Nothing else to say. Oh, did nothing for my B-Day this year. Usual.

:)

What a great day! Got sun, got swim, ate steak. Raining now, but good timing. Allie and Josh's son Noah is a damn riot. I want the amazing like they have. Someday. Not sure what the hell is going on.....but hey, had a great day.....

When you always are

Is it ever enough to infrequently declare
Something that never changes, forever there
First in my thoughts in line with the best
What makes you surpass none but the rest

Incomparably stunning and selfless in will
Some moments force me to relish this hell

One littered with clouds and bathed in your light
Scoured clean hearts with naught but the love

Chevalier mal fet, the ill starred knight
Forever yours, no matter behoove

Knowing just that you lift me up high
With this force of compassion your heart and your soul
Standing me up for my unlonely abyss

I said I needed to write.....

Miss Me



Just a small favor, a trifle, you see.

Far more durance I guess 'ere be me.

Not looking for breaches or penniless shame.

Hoping for parallel fol'win my name.

Prior would work, just as well yes.

Never surely my uncertain guess.

Read my thoughts when I spell them

Trample my guts when I spill them

Could heart lock away, aye

Was I not caught between

Stretched through the air from event to event

Not yet understanding what I meant

Your responsible now

I've not hidden out

Make worth what worth's demand

Distant leaves no hand in hand

Unequal place to serve so rough

Never knowing why enough

I also ran, have you forgot

But for your love, miss me not.

*Yawn

Tired......must sleep.......was a quick day. Got some clothes I needed. Got my baby an oil change etc. She is such a sexy beech. I need to wax her again. Need to leave early tomorrow or Sunday and try to catch a season pass to Six Flags Fiesta Texas. Maybe Sea World too.....dunno though, as sooner or later I think the Army Docs are gonns say I need to have my shoulder fixed.....dammit.....roller coasters are gonna have to wait a while after that one....Progressive Direct is kinda shitty for insurance. They don't believe me about have insurance before because they can't check with the German company, and I haven't heard back from the German company since I sent them e-mail yesterday, 'cause most of that country is on holiday. Still need to get my Florida registration done too. Not enough money and time. Need money for plane tickets, TWICE, and although I will have it no problem, I wanna do it all NOW. Heh. Patience is a virtue....I know.......Gwen, I hope you buy your tickets soon.