Resigned

I am just a man. You know that, right? I mean, I know I push myself too far sometimes, believing I can be so much more, at least in heart, mind and soul, if not in body. I need forgiveness for so many things, I don't believe I can ever be forgiven in totality. Most are of a time I would rather forget--before I became the person I am now....... I thought that knowing myself meant I am allowed to know others too, I was wrong. I ignored the spirit of my own law of self to not manipulate people, and although I have not done that, I have been contrary to the spirit of my self by speculation and supposition on things about which I know not enough. I am not meant to know some things, and my fear of the unknown has often gotten the better of me. I am dependant on truth, and when I cannot get the unabashed truth, I fear it is my onus to seek it, or be detroyed by the lack thereof. I am not always right. I have been burned down enough to know when it is happening again, and now I see it happening from three sides, simultaneously. Maybe I am just crazy. Maybe I am not. I know though, that I cannot bear this much longer. I don't know what you want. You won't tell me, and I am too far adrift in my own tumbled mind to discern it for myself. I just need to know I won't lose you. Any of you.

S & T

Sinless Seeking Seared Soulless Scars Subtley, Simply Sounding Self's Surrender So Someone Saw Seriously Sad. Too Terrible To Traverse Together, Travesty Tears Time 'Twixt Two Twined Travellers.

Want more? Have some insight.....

How often must a person try to prove themselves to others before they finally convince themselves of their worth?

Does a human flaw mean one must forever be lacking?

Why is it, we can all claim to be so different, yet reflect upon our hearts a moment, and know without a doubt we wish for the same basic thing? (I say basic, but it damn sure isn't simple.)

You think you are going about it all wrong....truth is, everyone else feels the same way about SOMETHING.

We want to find the solution to problems that have no solution. There is no goal to some challenges, only the pursuit of them. Life does not require finality, but commitment.

Pain comes relentlessly light for some. Wounds never heal for others.

EVERYONE has scars. Some scars teach, while some block us from the truth.

There are givers, and there are takers. Two givers go together, a giver and a taker go together, but two takers destroy one another.

Many of us, want someone for true, for life, for heart and for soul.
Some of us, were meant to never have it. Cursed to try no matter what.

Mine......is but to serve it seems.

Care or not, public reading

Stop your assumptions. Look it up-Chevalier mal fet. Maybe you know what it means to you, but you haven't found what it means to me yet. The day you do, you will understand me. Maybe not all of me, but more than you do now. You may hate me for it (more assumptions, no doubt) but you may love me for it. Truth is, I just want to be loved that way. The same way I love others. The way I was always told was the right way. Evidently it is wrong, I would say impossible, but I feel it, so I know that isn't true. Everyone just tells me (or doesn't and ridicules me instead) how wrong I must be for being me. Well, I have news for you: being me is just fine. I may not go to heaven, I may not go to hell, but I will never abandon anyone for one or the other. I am not what you expected. I never was, and I never will be. Give me the benefit of the doubt sometime, see who I really am at face value. Just do me a favor: stop lying to me, hiding things, bullshitting, falsifying, trying to protect me, trying to 'spare my feelings' whatever. It is just pissing me off, since I know it is happening anyway, and you don't seem to care enought about me to stop and right those wrongs. Give me a little back. I am not asking anymore. I need it. Otherwise, I am an empty shell becoming shattered at having given all I could and it never being good enough.

If you think this may apply to you.....ask yourself why it would. If you come up with a couple reasons why it would, then it probably does. If you know it MUST be about you, you are probably wrong, because it is not only you.