Resigned

I am just a man. You know that, right? I mean, I know I push myself too far sometimes, believing I can be so much more, at least in heart, mind and soul, if not in body. I need forgiveness for so many things, I don't believe I can ever be forgiven in totality. Most are of a time I would rather forget--before I became the person I am now....... I thought that knowing myself meant I am allowed to know others too, I was wrong. I ignored the spirit of my own law of self to not manipulate people, and although I have not done that, I have been contrary to the spirit of my self by speculation and supposition on things about which I know not enough. I am not meant to know some things, and my fear of the unknown has often gotten the better of me. I am dependant on truth, and when I cannot get the unabashed truth, I fear it is my onus to seek it, or be detroyed by the lack thereof. I am not always right. I have been burned down enough to know when it is happening again, and now I see it happening from three sides, simultaneously. Maybe I am just crazy. Maybe I am not. I know though, that I cannot bear this much longer. I don't know what you want. You won't tell me, and I am too far adrift in my own tumbled mind to discern it for myself. I just need to know I won't lose you. Any of you.