Sunday, November 19, 2006
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Here's your rotating red flashy light
AM and MG, this does NOT apply to either of you.
I am done trying. You say you want someone that will be there, someone that cares, someone that will fight for you, someone that will remain faithful. I say bullshit. If that were true, then myself, and a few of the other REALLY true men I know would not always be wondering why they are always subject to drama and games.
Some of you say I am overly dramatic. Okay, here's the rub: I am just trying desperately to get the games to stop. I don't know what else to do. I am the real thing. Some of the other guys I know are too. Just tell us, "Hey, I really like you, but I don't want to be with a guy that actually cares about me right now." We'll try to understand. We probably never will, but even though we don't understand it, we'll accept it, because we really do love you. Not some sort of puppy love or lust, but rather, REAL, sincere, human to human, heart to heart, glad to be alive and every person we know matters to us...LOVE.
Yes, we are wierd because of it. No you will not understand us at first. All we ask, is that you would give us a chance. We are not trying to be strange, we simply cannot make ourselves do that which we know in our very souls to be wrong.
We cannot take advantage of you, we cannot be false to you, we cannot be wronged by your actions as long as they truly make you happy.
-Yes, we still want you. Very much so, we just aren't willing to disrespect you or ourselves enough to be arrogant or presumptuous about it.
-Yes, we can still tell you a lie, or hide things. We WANT you to askus about these things, but only you. We need to know that someone will accept the amount of trust we put in them.
-Yes, it still hurts us everytime when you go out with another guy that we just know doesn't want whatever you except for eye candy, or a trophy, or sex, or whatever.
We are seemingly punished for caring, and for now, I am done being punished. Most of you have my phone number. You can call me for once, and ask me out. Am I worth it? Yes, but, I am worth so much more you won't believe for a long time, if you ever do....and I am only getting better.
I am done trying. You say you want someone that will be there, someone that cares, someone that will fight for you, someone that will remain faithful. I say bullshit. If that were true, then myself, and a few of the other REALLY true men I know would not always be wondering why they are always subject to drama and games.
Some of you say I am overly dramatic. Okay, here's the rub: I am just trying desperately to get the games to stop. I don't know what else to do. I am the real thing. Some of the other guys I know are too. Just tell us, "Hey, I really like you, but I don't want to be with a guy that actually cares about me right now." We'll try to understand. We probably never will, but even though we don't understand it, we'll accept it, because we really do love you. Not some sort of puppy love or lust, but rather, REAL, sincere, human to human, heart to heart, glad to be alive and every person we know matters to us...LOVE.
Yes, we are wierd because of it. No you will not understand us at first. All we ask, is that you would give us a chance. We are not trying to be strange, we simply cannot make ourselves do that which we know in our very souls to be wrong.
We cannot take advantage of you, we cannot be false to you, we cannot be wronged by your actions as long as they truly make you happy.
-Yes, we still want you. Very much so, we just aren't willing to disrespect you or ourselves enough to be arrogant or presumptuous about it.
-Yes, we can still tell you a lie, or hide things. We WANT you to askus about these things, but only you. We need to know that someone will accept the amount of trust we put in them.
-Yes, it still hurts us everytime when you go out with another guy that we just know doesn't want whatever you except for eye candy, or a trophy, or sex, or whatever.
We are seemingly punished for caring, and for now, I am done being punished. Most of you have my phone number. You can call me for once, and ask me out. Am I worth it? Yes, but, I am worth so much more you won't believe for a long time, if you ever do....and I am only getting better.
Sunday, November 5, 2006
Obviously not important to anyone else
If I send you a message, and it seems like I'm lonely, I probably FUCKING AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for not giving a shit. I tried to explain........oh, I don't know...........65,000 times.........no matter. You know what, I forsook some people that don't really give shit about me tonight, for some people that supposedly do....I still don't know. WHY? Well because, if you put your arm around a girl, and all you REALLY FUCKING MEAN IS HEY, I'M HERE, AND I'M GLAD YOU ARE TOO. GUESS WHAT?! NO ONE FUCKING CARES!?!!?? HAHA YOU'RE DICK ISN'T BIG ENOUGH, YOUR PICTURE ISN'T FUCKING "GQ" ENOUGH, or you actually give a damn....... and they are gonna wonder why these assholes don't call or give a fuck later. You know what? Go fuck yourselves. I gave you EVERY BIT OF MYSELF THAT I COULD AND YOU PISSED ALL OVER IT.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Wandering in my apartment
I have to drive to work in about an hour......it is 2:50 in the morning right now.... As usual, I can't sleep. Kinda works out, as I am almost done with the housecleaning I was doing all weekend. Thank God my roommate is a sound sleeper.
I am having a bit of a strain with what I have been doing all day. Not bad, necessarily. Just....getting reminders, and RE-affirming what I already knew. I can't say I know what to do about it. I don't. I got myself into a place I was never supposed to be. Since I can't be normal, it seems, I just ended up hurting myself by all accounts. It's just that I KNOW I am doing what I am supposed to....doing the RIGHT thing. Nobody is supposed to do that anymore, though. I can't be a different man than the one I am, and although I don't know how I came to be this way: I want to be me, I like me, and if I ever get a fair fucking shake, I am pretty sure others can like me too!
I can laugh at thoughts of my friends when they are not around, and shed tears in that laughter, because I love them, and my world is better for them. I hope other people do the same thing, but I suspect if they do, it isn't very common, and those that can, do it seldom. I hope so deeply that I am underestimating people..... If others know not life through their eyes in wonder as I do, then I pray to whatever God they wish that they may one day bask in the knowledge freely.
I create my own travesty, even when I am only working my self to death to avoid it. What irony. The more honest I am, the less people believe me. The more respect I have for a person, the more they doubt me. The more I give, the more people believe I do it for reciprocity. No matter how hard I try, or how strong I can be, there is no power that can keep me from being my own worst enemy. No one wants a man to be true to his friends or to them. People only want someone that they can complain about, someone that doesn't give a damn about them, just so they can have a challenge to meet, and change. Sometimes, I see how aimless others are, and it nearly breaks me inside, because I know that I love them too, even though they would never believe me. No one ever does until it is too late for me. I just hurt.
I am having a bit of a strain with what I have been doing all day. Not bad, necessarily. Just....getting reminders, and RE-affirming what I already knew. I can't say I know what to do about it. I don't. I got myself into a place I was never supposed to be. Since I can't be normal, it seems, I just ended up hurting myself by all accounts. It's just that I KNOW I am doing what I am supposed to....doing the RIGHT thing. Nobody is supposed to do that anymore, though. I can't be a different man than the one I am, and although I don't know how I came to be this way: I want to be me, I like me, and if I ever get a fair fucking shake, I am pretty sure others can like me too!
I can laugh at thoughts of my friends when they are not around, and shed tears in that laughter, because I love them, and my world is better for them. I hope other people do the same thing, but I suspect if they do, it isn't very common, and those that can, do it seldom. I hope so deeply that I am underestimating people..... If others know not life through their eyes in wonder as I do, then I pray to whatever God they wish that they may one day bask in the knowledge freely.
I create my own travesty, even when I am only working my self to death to avoid it. What irony. The more honest I am, the less people believe me. The more respect I have for a person, the more they doubt me. The more I give, the more people believe I do it for reciprocity. No matter how hard I try, or how strong I can be, there is no power that can keep me from being my own worst enemy. No one wants a man to be true to his friends or to them. People only want someone that they can complain about, someone that doesn't give a damn about them, just so they can have a challenge to meet, and change. Sometimes, I see how aimless others are, and it nearly breaks me inside, because I know that I love them too, even though they would never believe me. No one ever does until it is too late for me. I just hurt.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
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