Sinus Destruction

My shnoz is killin me atm. Dunno what did it, but I am nigh abject misery. Solution: stop whiny bitchin and get out, get some coffee, and go play other juvenile adults at a game wherein I may utterly destroy them. Always makes ME feel better.......

Been a while

I don't update blogs much lately. Not sure why. I have been pissed off and depressed and lonely lately, so maybe that leads me to both update, and stay home some. Need to do lots of stuff around the house. Been sick for about a week. Come Tuesday, if I'm still feeling this way I'm goin' to the clinic. Just sinus and chest I think, but takin' too long.

Really missing AM and MG lately. I suppose they know that....

Damned if I do

Dear God,

Can you please stop playing tricks on me? I no longer find the irony appealing. I laugh in order to not scare "the straights" as Venkman would say. Seriously though. I try to "improve myself, only to find that who I am is who I was is what is wanted is I still I am. Clouding it for the sake of trying is not really trying at all. I am still me, and won't change, so stop playing with me. :P

K.M.T.

Did I mention

How much I can't stand being the dumbass SOB? Why is it I insist on being the one who cares, yet only being the one for whom is cared less? Yep. Again-I just don't matter. Well, in some way(s) I suppose I do. Maybe it will be enough, although it is a bit self-aggrandizing. I suppose I just have to happily settle. Yep. Well time to finish my becoming then......... If anyone cares-Sorry for the disconnect.

This is about people I know who have no connection to be able to read this. Not a person-people. The whole people are dumb, a person is smart kind of thing. I was out REALLY late last night, and it was good. I was only venting and trying not to sound depressed. I was not referring to mattering in a biblical sense-cog in a big machine rather. :)

Miscellaneous Travail

Touchy and tried and too much pride
To ever be allowed myself to abide
and once I came upon such relief
ever knowing that it was only belief
in myself by my loves who never seem
to find among themselves own dream
and missed what once came upon this night to abate the solo dreamless fright
I stand and sit await your call
but never will hear received the wall
of affront to defence and mean not bight
but know and found what it seems is right
whence? come find me
I have gone not far afield, but may upon my remains to disappear
...............

The Noblest Ones

You give as you know someone must for others to have the freedom to take, and the opportunity to choose....
Teach, and hold in that a dream of futures bright
Fight, the flames which would remorselessly claim the precious
Police, the places and times where fear would rule
Heal, the wounded who need succor when no others can grant
Shelter, the spirit when souls wander lost
Defend, the rights and lives of the weary and trodden
Soldier, far afield, and in harm's way
Take, and relish, what we give. Your love is our cause. We will never stop.
Ever.

No wonder I could never mean happiness, you thought you were just tagging along.....

How could I have ever been so blind to think I am more than a....hell, I don't know what I am....? I can never be good enough, or bad enough. I can never have a chance if you won't even give yourself one. Nothing wrong with me I suppose is what will be said. How come I don't feel that way though?

Typing this should be cathartic, but I don't know if I want anyone else to even read it.

You don't even seem disappointed.