What have I done?

How did this happen? I now have soldiers, valiant men and women of the best fiber this nation may EVER produce referring to me as if I were their leader. Am I truly this "Sergeant Tucker" of whom they speak? I cannot imagine such a responsibility but yet I know it is mine to bear. May God grant me the wisdom and strength to be this indomitable leader they believe me to be. Please. I beg, do not let me let THEM down when times are tough and more is at stake than a simple days' work........... What, oh what, can I do to aspire to this seemingly simple trepidation. I need the strength with which so many others have gifted me over the years. Gwen, Allie, Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Papa, Grandmommy, Nina, I need you. More than I may ever suspect, for I know only one thing: I AM NOT WORTHY.

And so

I see the long road ahead. Alone and soldiering. I will make war.

I hereby strike love from my lexicon, as it has never found chance in my realm. Chance was all I asked, not even the reality.

Very well. Humanity lacks its supposed redemption when I peruse its pages. Nothing more than the ashen fall of bygones remains.

I had so much, I so believed. Falsehood never did become me. Even self-deception.

Mal fet. Burn, chevalier.

Time to be going

Gonna be gone for a bit. Not that it matters to more than Allie. 5th ring of Hell here I come.....weeks....I'm gonna go bat shit there. I hate it. I know what I want, lotta good it does me. Took me long enough to know for sure. Now I don't even doubt. Oh well. Never? I just don't know. 16 JUN 08 - YES NEVER, YOU STUPID ROTTEN LOUSY WORTHLESS PIECE OF EMOTIONAL WASTE! Why did I even bother looking under the hat when it came in? I deserve to suffer all this and more for failing to learn my lesson the first time(s)....

On their behalf

Since they no longer wish to indulge in my potential

Various limits exposed in real time

Gone again comes the wreaking

Peaceable be

The leading one is mine

Astride the line

Vacate the vacuum

Waltz into rhythm

Left foot there

Right foot further

Mind a blur

Mono-molecular serendipity

One-way street

The temporal character of human

As I sat and read today, an innocent approached. Whilst imbibing my caffeine, and relishing my nicotine, I was provided a simple, fleeting glimpse of the beauty that remains no matter what travails parallel. I didn't learn her name, or that of her brother. Her younger sisters name is Nicole. Such bright eyes. When offered a flower, so simply and sincerely, I accepted. Random kindness of the purest sort. Three young children. All with the most concise inroads into the tumultous mind of a soldier in his state of ungrace. Just a small violet bloom. Scrounged from the surroundings of material trappings that simply cannot compare to that superb pleasure of clearest devotion to curiousity and unabashed life.

Nice relief, as not bas-relief.

Vices

So, it has been said differently, but it means the same: Advice is the worst Vice.

I disagree.

Love is the worst vice. At least, it seems to be mine.

Would I be better off hollow? Empty? Selfish?

What is your vice? -drinking, smoking, cursing, etc do NOT count, those are fleeting....I mean a REAL Vice.....

Not really then, but later, and now, as I am turning

to the respite. There I recline into the dreamscape. Whither, I know not, nay, less how, but I seek you. Yours are a tumult and mayhap a truth. Mine are my dominance, as I am never thwarted whence I alight. I abandone mine to stand astride your path of fears. Mine will awaite my resurgence there.....The beginneth 'o my eve is the nigh of thine, I shall come to you. Ye shall possess my guarded pauldron to alight the visage I so value thereupon. My shield a revetment, my sword free to sojourn. Heart captured and soul driven.